How to live for yourself.
This can be a surprisingly challenging question.
We live in a culture and society where a lot of people don’t feel free to find their own authentic destiny.
A lot of people feel trapped in situations, relationships, jobs, or lifestyles that don’t really suit them.
And sometimes, these things can be difficult to escape from.
But here’s the truth of the matter.
You have complete control over what kind of life you’d like to create for yourself.
The only question is this:
How do I do it?
I understand that this can be a really challenging question to answer.
In fact, this is a question that I spent a lot of time thinking about when I was young, especially during my high school years.
With this in mind, I recently took some time to go back over those old notes and experiences, to really solidify the steps that I took in my own journey that helped me live for myself and build a life where I’ve found happiness, fulfillment, and success.
And in this guide, I’m going to give you my answer—11 life-changing steps for how to live for yourself.
You’re about to learn everything you need to know to get started on the journey.
Let’s dive into it.
11 Steps For How To Live For Yourself
1. Decide What You Want
The first thing you need to do when determining how to live for yourself is to ask yourself one simple question.
What do you want?
What kind of life would you like to have?
This is a simple enough question.
But it’s surprising how many people don’t really think about it in specific terms.
So try to get specific (at least as specific as possible) and answer it for yourself.
Before beginning the journey, it’s always in your best interest to figure out what your destination is.
2. Create A Vision For Your Future
Once you start to think about what kind of life you’d like to live, it’ll be important to start creating a more specific vision of what that looks like.
One of the best ways to do this is to create a vision board.
However, you can also write down some specific things that you’d like to achieve.
(For more information about how to do this, check out this guide: Writing About Your Future Plans – A Complete Guide.)
This is important because it gets you focused on the specifics of what success looks like for you.
Once again, before embarking on this amazing life-changing journey, it’ll be in your best interest to understand exactly where you’d like to go.
Note that this destination may shift and evolve over time, and that’s perfectly fine.
The key is to get started with as specific a vision as possible.
3. Disregard Outside Opinions
If you’ve been asking the question ‘how to live for yourself,’ then it’s highly likely that you’re dealing with some outside influences that are threatening to push your life in a direction that you don’t want to go in.
Sometimes, this pressure comes from family members, friends, or colleagues.
Sometimes, people get wrapped up in jobs that they realize aren’t right for them, but that they feel pressured to stay in.
And of course, everyone in the world has an opinion.
You may have friends, family members, colleagues, co-workers, managers, teachers, etc. all trying to tell you how you should be living and what you should be doing with your life.
This can add up to a lot of pressure.
And this pressure can feel very discouraging when you’re trying to think about the possibility of being free and truly living for yourself.
So this step may be difficult, but it’s also important.
It’s really important to understand that if you want to live for yourself, you’re going to need to start disregarding outside opinions and focus more on your specific plan for how you’d like your life to be.
Remember that this life is yours.
It doesn’t belong to anyone else.
Sometimes it’s helpful to listen to what other people have to say. In fact, sometimes, this is a wise choice.
But at the end of the day, it’s important that we make the final choice in how we want to live.
4. Detach Yourself From Drama
Drama will bog you down and destroy your peace of mind.
If you have dramatic and/or negative people in your life who try to pull you into these cycles of negativity, make sure to distance yourself from them.
These types of people aren’t going to help you find freedom in living for yourself.
Dramatic people actually work against this.
They may spread rumors, talk bad about people, gossip, start arguments, etc.
Some people do this out of boredom, some out of frustration, and some out of a sheer sense of inner negativity.
But it’s not good news for you!
So take measures today to start cutting out drama, and try to live your life as drama-free as possible.
5. Take Full Responsibility For Your Life And Success
Sometimes, people stay in a life that they don’t really like because they’re afraid of leaving their comfort zone.
This is understandable.
It’s scary to branch off on your own and to try to live a life that’s deviating from what you consider ‘normal.’
With that being said, it’s also important to understand that most of the best things in life exist on the other side of your fear.
In order to learn how to live for yourself, you’ll also need to learn how to take risks.
Step out on your own, solve your own problems, and make your own plans.
This is called ‘taking full responsibility for your life.’
This can be a scary thing to do.
In fact, it may take a bit of practice to get used to it.
However, this is an essential step on the path to creating your own life—the life you actually want to be living.
6. Start Writing Down Your Goals
I’m a huge proponent of dreaming big dreams, turning those dreams into goals, and then writing those goals down to create a roadmap to success.
When you write down your goals every day, you equip yourself with the best possible odds for success.
Usually, this starts by writing out a to-do list.
Take full responsibility for the important areas of your life by writing down such a list every morning before heading out for the day.
Then, over time, you can get yourself a goal planner and start writing down medium-term goals and long-term goals as well.
However you decide to start writing your goals, I have two really important tips that you should consider following:
Tip #1: Learn how to write SMART goals, and start putting this powerful skill to use.
Tip #2: Make sure that you write down your goals every single day.
These two tips have the potential to absolutely revolutionize your journey and help carry you at a faster pace toward success.
7. Break Your Goals Down To Create A Plan Of Action
As you start to learn how to set longer-term goals, you’ll also want to break those goals down into medium-term goals and short-term goals.
This is a crucial principle of goal setting theory, and is part of the process of succeeding at the things you want to achieve.
For example, maybe you want to change careers.
This is kind of a big goal.
So instead of thinking about that whole process as one goal, you can break it down into smaller goals that you perform on a daily basis.
One day, you could spruce up your resume.
On another day, you could ask a friend to look it over to see if they can spot any typos or mistakes.
On another day, you can apply to two different jobs online.
On another day, you can apply to two more jobs.
And another day, you could schedule an interview—and so on and so forth.
When you break big goals down into daily tasks, and then write those tasks down on your to-do list for the day, you literally create a plan for success that, when followed, will give you your best odds of actually achieving those goals.
This is a crucial mechanic to use when learning how to live for yourself and create your own success in life.
8. Keep Putting Positivity Into Your Mind
The world is full of negativity and pessimism.
At any given point in time, you may find yourself surrounded by people who don’t believe in you.
These people may be cynical and bitter, and might even act like naysayers—but it’s really important that you don’t let these people drag you down.
- Keep putting positivity into your mind.
- Instead of entertaining negative people, listen to motivational speeches, podcasts, or YouTube videos.
- Instead of hanging out with friends who try to discourage you from living for yourself, find positive friends who will encourage you to do what’s best for you.
This is such an important part of the journey.
9. Stop Entertaining Negative Energy
You may come to realize that there are friends, family members, co-workers, or even colleagues in your life who are actually having a negative impact and influence on you.
This can be especially difficult with longtime friends or family members.
But here’s the truth.
Negative people will undoubtedly hold you back.
You may need to limit your exposure to them in order to move forward.
Worst case scenario—you may have to walk away and just stop talking to them.
When learning how to live for yourself, it’s crucial that you maintain a positive frame of mind and stay motivated to do what you need to do to create the life you want.
You only get one life (as far as we know).
This is such an important thing to focus on.
You really can’t afford to have your inner peace or positivity ruined by negative people.
So take whatever steps you need to take to get rid of this ‘negativity’ in your life.
10. Understand That It’s Not Wrong To Live For Yourself
It’s important to understand that it’s not wrong to live for yourself.
Some people deal with a lot of guilt, shame, and self-doubt when it comes to thinking about choosing to live for themselves instead of doing what other people want them to do.
This is unfortunately really common.
But it’s crucial that you understand the truth.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting to live for yourself and create your own life—and there’s nothing wrong with wanting to do the things you want to do.
So don’t let people guilt you into doing things that aren’t right for you.
Don’t let people shame you into being a person you don’t want to be.
Live your own authentic destiny.
Stay true to your values, adhere to your principles, and dare to live every day being genuinely 100% you.
You’ll be amazed at the difference this will make in your levels of happiness and fulfillment.
11. Keep Going, And Don’t Stop
Whenever you embark on an adventure and leave your comfort zone, you’re going to face challenges.
Sometimes, these challenges will lead to discouragement.
During these points in time, you may be tempted to turn back and return to your old life.
You may be tempted to go back to:
- Those negative friends
- The naysaying family members
- That job that wasn’t good for you
But here’s the thing—it’s important to not give up.
Do what you need to do to survive.
But don’t give up on your dream of creating the life that you want.
This is such a crucial thing to understand.
It’s worth it.
You are capable of having the life of your dreams.
But it won’t always be easy, and it’s going to require some effort.
So stick with it.
FAQs
How can I truly live for myself?
The best way to truly live for yourself is to decide what you want, and then pursue it with 100% genuine authentic passion, purpose, and effort.
It’s going to take time, and you’ll need to be patient.
You may need to really grind it out and work to overcome obstacles.
But in the end, it’s all worth it to live the life that you authentically want to live.
Just remember to write down those goals every single day. This is truly a stepping stone on the path to success.
How do I stop living my life for others?
This can be a huge challenge.
Sometimes, we can feel guilted or shamed into doing things that other people want us to do.
Friends can do this, family members can do this, and managers, bosses, or even co-workers can also do it.
But here’s what you should always remember.
You deserve to live the life that you want to live.
This is your life, not anyone else’s.
If you want to make a change and try to achieve something different in your life, you have the right to do it.
And it’s always in your best interest to ignore what the naysayers may tell you.
You’ll always have people around you telling you that your ideas aren’t going to work.
But remember that in the end, this life is yours to live.
There will always be people who won’t believe in the same things you believe in.
The question is—do you believe in yourself?
Try to find this ‘inner belief,’ and then begin the journey of creating the life you really want.
Is living for yourself selfish?
We often equate the term ‘selfish’ with ‘being a bad person.’
But this is actually a mischaracterization of the conversation.
See, wanting to have a good life isn’t a ‘bad, selfish’ thing.
Wanting to have a good life is part of our human nature, and part of our instinct to survive and thrive.
And there’s nothing wrong with that.
Sure, it’s always good to give back to your community and to endure some sacrifices for the people you love.
But these should not be destructive sacrifices.
The truth of the matter is that you have not only a right, but also a responsibility to live for yourself.
This doesn’t make you a selfish/bad person.
It makes you a self-responsible human with healthy aspirations, hopes, desires, and dreams.
So go for it. Live for yourself, and do the best you can!
Conclusion
Hopefully, this post has given you some useful information that’ll help you with learning how to live for yourself—and how this can help you in your goal-setting and life-success journey.
Of course, at the end of the day, this is just another part of the larger, overarching process of turning your dreams into goals, and writing those goals down to create a roadmap for success in your life.
This is how you begin your journey to success and crush it.
Need some help? Download my weekly goal-setting sheet, print out a few, and give it a try.
You can also sign up for my email list to get a free copy of my Goal Setting Essentials Starter Kit.
You’ve got this. I believe in you.
Now it’s time to get to work.
Best wishes…
Jay O’Donnell